You’re in a conversation and someone asks, “Should a Christian attend a same-sex wedding?”
What would you say?
For friends and for family, and especially for parents, the decision about whether or not to attend a same-sex ceremony for someone that they love… well, it’s emotionally brutal.
In fact, they’re often told they can either be the kind of person who judges others and pushes people away from God with all of their moral demands, or they can be the kind who cares for people, doesn’t judge anyone, and shows the love of Jesus. After all, since Jesus hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors, doesn’t that mean He would’ve attended a same-sex ‘wedding’? And, if he would have, doesn’t that mean that we should, too?
Well, no. And here are three reasons why:
1. Jesus never pitted truth and love against one another, and He was very clear about what marriage is.
Only by taking the actions and words of Jesus out of context and ignoring the rest of Scripture can someone really reach the conclusion that Jesus would’ve attended a so-called same-sex wedding. Jesus boldly told the truth to everyone: to religious leaders, to the rich and the powerful, to the ostracized and the judged. His life and words embodied the fact that truth and love are not opposed to one another.
One example was when he was asked a question about whether divorce should be permitted. His response was to tell the truth about marriage and to point to how God had created marriage from the very beginning to be between a man and a woman, for life. If He was that clear about what marriage was when He was asked then, the most likely reality is that He would be just as clear about what marriage is today.
And the sexual union of two people of the same sex, well, that’s not a marriage, despite recent legal and social insistence to the contrary. And that means to attend a so-called same-sex “wedding” is to say something that’s not true, that this particular union is a marriage when it’s not.
Which brings us to the second point.
2. Attending a wedding is far more than just attending a party. It’s witnessing to a marriage.
A wedding isn’t just another get-together for people to have fun, eat food, and enjoy good company. The reason that everyone gathers together at a wedding is to witness it and celebrate the birth of a marriage.
A wedding’s not merely two people declaring strong feelings for each other. In traditional marriage liturgies, the bride and groom vow to live together, to love each other, to honor and
protect one another until death parts them. Marriage involves sexual exclusivity, the joining of property, and usually the begetting of children. And all of these things, to some degree, are why marriages involve entire communities.
That’s why those who attend a wedding are asked to legally witness to the marriage, to do everything in their power to uphold it, and support it , and to offer any reasons they know of why the two should not be joined in marriage. In other words, marriage is an inherently public act—one that affects others besides just the two that are saying “I do.”
The question about attending a “same-sex ceremony” that’s labeled a wedding is not about whether we should spend time with or celebrate with a friend who identifies as gay or lesbian. The question is whether or not a Christian can, by attending, treat something that is not a marriage as if it is a marriage. The answer is clearly “no.”
Taking part as a witness in a union that you know is not a marriage is a form of lying—to yourself and to everyone else in attendance. In the case of a same-sex couple, this is a very good reason why the two should not be joined, and to hold our peace when we should speak—well that is the same as being complicit.
Which brings us to the third point:
3. Attending a so-called same-sex "wedding" encourages sin, and Christians should never do that.
A sexual relationship between two people of the same-sex is, according to Scripture and the whole of Christian teaching, sinful. To affirm it or to celebrate it in any way is to encourage sin.
For Christians, a wedding is a serious thing—not only because the couple and the witnesses who are involved. The bride and groom make vows before God. Despite being plain violations of biblical morality, so-called same-sex “weddings” invoke God’s approval in language and even (when it’s held in a church) by location. Christians should never join an event where God’s name is invoked in order to bless sin.
At the root of the idea that to attend a so-called same-sex “wedding” is to show the love of Jesus is a false understanding of what love is. It assumes love is about making people happy and never offending them. However, according to the Bible, love is far more profound than that.
In 1 Corinthians 13, the Apostle Paul defined love, and one of the things he wrote is that “[Love] does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but [rather] rejoices with the truth.”
St. Thomas Aquinas defined love as willing the good of another: “An act of love always tends towards two things;” he wrote, “to the good that one wills, and to the person for whom one wills it: since to love a person is to wish that person good.”
This type of Godlike love is not rooted in our feelings, it is rooted in what is true, and therefore rooted in what is really good for and will lead to the wholeness and holiness of our beloved. True love does not “rejoice in wrongdoing,” even if that wrongdoing makes the beloved happy in the moment. Instead, it “rejoices with the truth,” even if that truth offends or upsets the one we love.
It’s easy to think that the most loving thing is to attend the ceremony because the most important thing is to stay in relationship. However, the most loving thing to do might not be received well by the other person. And yet, it could be that you’re the only one with the courage to stand in truly loving opposition for the sake of the other person.
So, the next time someone asks, “Should Christians attend a same-sex wedding?” here are three things to remember.
1. Jesus never pitted truth and love against one another, but He was very clear about what marriage is.
2. Attending a wedding is far more than just attending a party. It is witnessing to a marriage.
3. Attending a so-called same-sex "wedding" encourages sin, and Christians should never do that.
Colson Center
Colson Center : Apr 25, 2024 5:05:55 PM
