Why Does God Care About Who I Sleep With?

You're in a conversation and someone says, “The Church cares too much about sex. I love God too, but I don’t think He really cares about who I sleep with. He just wants me to be happy.” What would you say? Today, sexual freedom is considered an absolute. We’re told that nothing should threaten or constrain our sexual choices. That’s why, in this cultural context, the historic view of Christianity, that sex belongs only in the context of marriage between one man and one woman is seen as antiquated, unrealistic, and even dangerous. Does God really care about who we sleep with? The next time someone asks you that question, here are three things to remember: Number 1: God cares about who we sleep with because He cares about us, and sex affects us deeply. If God loves us as much as He says He does, it would be weird for him NOT to care about who we sleep with. Sex is a big deal. A lot of people might say things like, “sex is just physical and it doesn’t mean anything,” but that isn’t true. Studies show that engaging in “casual sex” can contribute to depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems. That suggests that there’s more going on than just a physical act. In fact, the stories from victims of sexual abuse or assault, especially the long term emotional and physical trauma, underline the reality that sex is more than “just physical.” When someone is sexually harmed, it’s not just a body that has been attacked. A person has been violated. Because we all have a sense that sex is a consequential act, sexual boundaries of some kind or another are not unique to Christianity. The difference is seen in where those boundary lines are drawn, and the basis for drawing them where we do. Many people today say that anything’s okay as long as it’s between consenting adults. Though consent is necessary, the #metoo movement has shown that consent isn’t enough to protect people from harm. Consent can be confused, coerced, or given when it’s unhealthy to do so. Christianity draws the boundary lines more carefully than that. Which leads to our second point. Number 2: God cares about who we sleep with because of what He designed sex to do. Almost everywhere in our culture, especially in movies and music and tv, sex is portrayed as something to be consumed. There’s a basic assumption that sexuality is about satisfying our own desires. But this directly contradicts how God designed sex to be between his image bearers. In fact, Jesus challenges the consumption view of sex, not just by addressing our behavior, but by addressing the heart. In Matthew 5, verses 27 and 28, Jesus says that merely obeying the letter of the law when it comes to sex is not enough. Our imagination and our intent matters as well. It’s wrong to intentionally see someone else’s sexuality as something to be consumed. Jesus clearly saw people’s sexual dignity as so precious that it should never be violated, not even in the privacy of someone else’s mind. In God’s design, sex is instead a way that we can completely, permanently, and exclusively give ourselves to another person. In other words, Christianity sees sex as something to be given, not taken, and it is to be given in the context that honors the dignity, purpose, and agency of both the giver and the receiver. Which brings us to our final point: Number 3: Jesus is for you, and even his difficult directives are for your good. Sex was God’s idea. Using it differently than He intended defeats its purpose, which is why Jesus asks us not to fulfill any desire for sex outside of what it is designed for. That can be especially difficult to remember in a culture that makes it possible to have our sexual desires met anytime we want. But Jesus is up front about the fact that following him is costly, for everyone. Costly, but also worth it. Jesus is for us. Any constraints He puts on how we live are for our benefit. Of course, if you don’t believe that Jesus is who He says He is, and that He is for you, then there’s no reason to listen to Him. But if He is the source of all life, if He did live and die and rise again, then you can trust Him, even in those difficult areas where He asks you to follow Him. His directives are for your good, even when they’re really hard. He is for us. And, when we’ve messed up, He forgives and He can restore. As Jesus said, this is as much an issue of the heart as it is an act of the body, and so many of our hearts are skewed on this issue. Thank God, no matter what our situation is, Jesus knows where we’re at and He can restore our hearts and our lives. So the next time you’re in a conversation and someone asks why God cares about who we sleep with, remember these three things: Number 1: God cares about who we sleep with because He cares about us, and sex affects us deeply. Number 2: God cares about who we sleep with because of what He designed sex to do. Number 3: Jesus is for you, and even his difficult directives are for your good. For What Would You Say, I’m Brooke McIntire.

BreakPoint Podcast Interview with Sam Allberry. 

Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With? by Sam Allberry